May 2009
1 post
Injury Reports From a Faraway Planet Off the Cuff...
January 2009
3 posts
happy times for isolation boy
Shitskin
-If you do not sit in the chair I am going to go to your house. I am going to find your suntan lotion bottle and empty it out. I am going to shit in that bottle and put it back on the shelf. In a few years maybe you go on vacation to hawaii or the bahamas or someplace and you go out on the beach, take your shirt off, take that bottle out of your napsack and squeeze the contents onto your hand. You...
December 2008
5 posts
Delivery guy knocks on the door. Regular guy answers.
I wasn’t sure if you would be at home. I tried to deliver this a couple of times.
Yeah, I’m uh.
I didn’t know. If you would be here.
Cool, well I um, am here. Thanks.
I almost didn’t come today.
(heh)
I’m serious, I was going to wait until tomorrow.
Oh, I would have been gone tomorrow.
Oh, I...
In need of a late afternoon snack the woman buys a small bag of salted peanuts at a corner store. She returns to her office and opens the package. She pulls a peanut out. She cracks the shell and purple ink spills out all over hand and pants. She pulls another peanut out and cracks the shell. Purple ink everywhere.
Every Thursday the man wakes up in unbearable pain. What is it about Thursdays? Every other morning he wakes up feeling fine. What is it about Thursdays?
The man’s demanding friend begins each conversation the same way. “Are you there?” he asks on the telephone. “Are you there? Can I borrow your watch?”
The man’s eyesight is deteriorating. Everything is dim. And very blurred if it moves at all, so that a small tree is much blurrier than a large tree in any amount of wind. “Who cares what you’re...
She laughs after admitting to liking something.
The two men are arguing.
-I am luckier than you you son of a bitch.
-I found a five dollar bill yesterday.
-My collection of four leaf clovers is in the tens of thousands.
-When I’m going to sleep I don’t count sheep I count shooting stars.
November 2008
7 posts
The leaves have been coming down off the trees at an alarming rate. Only one man is both smart and brave enough to do what needs to be done. Burn them. Burn them all!
1. A woman takes her young daughter out for breakfast. The aim is to ease some concerns the daughter has had regarding the strange man who has been sleeping at the house every night for the last 2 and a half years.
2. The boy has a pet spider. He want to show it to the other boys in the neighborhood in an effort to gain acceptance. The effort fails. The spider is killed.
Every time I do anything I get a bunch of money. Doctor appointment, four hundred dollars. Post office, one hundred and thirty eight dollars. It got to the point where I went out for tacos and got eight thousand dollars. I hear if it doesn’t keep moving however it will disappear. On the flight from Vientiane to back to Bankok (3rd attempt) I completed the airplane crossword and got twenty...
Levitation (from Latin levitas “lightness”) is the process by which an object is suspended against gravity, in a stable position, without physical contact.
lalalallal
lalala